Firstly, I just want to make this clear. I love Christmas. I have nothing against the holiday and what it stands for. I like that we get to take a day out to spend time with family and friends to celebrate whatever your religious affiliations dictate you can and should celebrate. The songs, on the other hand? Can't stand 'em. They annoy the crap out of me. Why? Well, that's why I have a blog! To talk about crap nobody cares about!
1. They Rape You With Fun
(Because stealing expressions from Allie Brosh is fun!)
But no, seriously. They're all so damn happy and cheerful (Well, mostly. *coughSilentNightcough*), even that depressing "HEY WE'RE CELEBRITIES WE'RE SINGING ABOUT POOR PEOPLE IN AFRICA NOT HAVING CHRISTMAS" one that I hate because it tries to make Christmas not something to enjoy. Yes, there are poor people in Africa, yes, that sucks, no, you don't need to ruin my Christmas when you rich celebrity types can go and adopt half of them.
Wait. I think I'm getting off track here. Oh right! They're overly happy! I mean, I enjoy a good happy song every so often, but, well... honestly, the best description I can give is pointing to Hyperbole and a Half again because the way she describes Mambo No 5 is how I feel about Christmas carols. They stab you in the face with happyfacemusicenjoymenetyay! and it's annoying.
2. They Never Change
Seriously. There are maybe... 10 different Christmas carols, each one with its own hundreds of different versions by different artists who think they can put their own spin on it. I wouldn't mind them so much if you were only allowed to play Christmas carols for one year, then the next year, you had to make a whole new batch of completely new songs about Christmas, because then at least it wouldn't be like "Really? Snoopy's Christmas again? How many times have I heard this song in my 24 years of existance?" Just to make it worse, just about all the music you do hear at Christmas time is Christmas carols so it just concentrates it and makes it more annoying when you've heard the same 10 songs over and over and over for 25 days in a row, then you have to do it again next year.
Granted, yes, it could be difficult to write a new batch of 10-15 songs each year to celebrate Christmas, but hey! Love songs are still going strong and they're all effectively saying the same thing.
3. They're All About Winter
Okay, not all of them, but a lot of them are! And it really really bugs me. Why? Because I don't live in the Northern hemisphere. It's currently summer down here, we've just had a good 5 odd days of 25-30°C (Or about 77°F for those of my two readers who have yet to move on to the normal system of measurement) and it's only gonna get nicer. But I have to listen to songs like "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" (which, to someone who would be absolutely surprised, and to be honest, a bit annoyed, at having snow on Christmas, sounds a bit racist) and that "Christmas Time, Mistletoe and Wine" that I can't be bothered looking up the actual name of (I think it's just "Christmas Time"), with lines like "With logs on the fire" and it's absurd and doesn't bring up Christmasy images to me.
Yeah, to those of you up north, a Christmasy image is sitting around the table, fire burning nice and hot, snowing outside, roast ham and/or turkey (Okay, I'm slightly generalising here, but gimme a break! I'm working off Christmas specials here! I realise it probably doesn't snow for most of you, only those of you who are particularly northern) but that's not Christmas to me. You know what a Christmas scene looks like to me?
Nice, beautiful sunny day. Somewhere around 30°C, no clouds in the sky, little to no wind. Sitting around outside in t-shorts and maybe shorts (Not that I wear shorts. Nobody wants to see my pale gamer legs :P), lamb chops, steaks, sausages, onion on the barbecue, maybe some coleslaw and salads and stuff, having some coke or beers or some sort of nice cold drink, enjoying a beautiful day in the sunshine, sitting around with my family, having a great time.
None of this huddled up inside in front of a fire stuff. Save that for the middle of July. Christmas is about enjoying a beautiful day outside. Frankly, I'm dreaming of a beautiful, sunny Christmas.
Merry Christmas people! Even though, provided I stop being lazy, I'll post something else closer to Christmas.
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